I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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