Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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