I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
