mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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