Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
