why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
