I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
