it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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