Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
