well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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