You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
