Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
