He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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