I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im holly from the hills drunk
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
