you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You can't just leave with hair like that
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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