I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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