if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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