go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
