Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she pinky promised me she was 18
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
