it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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