i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have aggressive nipples.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
