I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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