ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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