I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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