She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
