so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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