So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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