Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
