I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
