I can tuck mytits in my pants
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
