Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
