oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
