evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
