Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
