shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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