I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
