Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm passing your future prison.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
