I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
