I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
