I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Who wears a wallet chain?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
