I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
