just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she peed on how many people?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
