I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
