I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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