So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
