I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
as a side note pls kill me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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