This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
