coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
