Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
