I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
