I think im going to throw up on grandma
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
