I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
