just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
