Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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