The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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