she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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