It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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