Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
