Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
