There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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