i would punch a child for taco bell
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
