peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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