Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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