i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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