It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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