she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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