I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry about my life...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize