I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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