The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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