Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
