I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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