Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
