Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
