my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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