so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
