You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
