Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
