allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
