you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize