Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
