I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
