I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
