This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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