my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
