this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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